I'll be back

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Only 2 months and I'm already like this.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE what I'm doing. And everything is going as planned.

But at times, I just feel so tired. Like I wanna give up my dreams. And just go home. :'(

I miss Mum, Dad, and everyone back home.

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No more of that appetite. Too lazy. :(

What I know is Hugo has LOADS of appetite, he's eating all the time and has grown so much. Awwwwww.

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Just saying

Feeling a bit depressed.

Hugo seems like he understands and is trying to cheer me up.

I miss everyone back home.

This year will be ok. InsyaAllah.

I need to be strong.

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New Baby

Someone gave me a new baby. :)

Introducing... Hugo

Not as lonely now anymore. :) Love him to bits!

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Last time we checked I was graduating. And now look, I'm working!! With my first payroll just came in. Haha hello Estee Lauder. (No I'm not working with them. I'm working with Boots!)

In Plymouth now, in a really nice and cozy flat. Work has been ok. Weather here is just the same as Glasgow I would say, only a few degrees warmer. I'm definitely tanned. No more sirens passing through here and there. Instead I have seagulls tapping on my roof every morning in the weekend just to piss me off. Pfft.

Anyway, as happy as I am starting a new life, I'm really utterly sad for reasons only God knows. As Mum reminded me, I've been doing this for four year now, and counting. Another year won't be hard. I will be stepping into another new life, insyaAllah. We will see. ;)

I love you all regardless of checking or not checking my blog for updates. MWAH!! haha

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A Graduate!

I am now a Pharmacy graduate!!!! OMG

Very much feel thankful and glad to Allah swt for granting me to pass my program. After four years of struggles and even laziness, I have passed all my papers and able to GRADUATE!

Now should I ignore all the angry and sad and anxious posts I've shared with you here. I don't think I should. They're memories that I share with my readers and myself. :)

Alhamdulillah. Now I understand when people say you'll feel relieved. I was relieved to my bones and even cried happy tears when I can't thank Allah enough.

Thank you family and friends too and all of you!!! (macam buat receiving award speech pulok. HAHA)

But this IS an award.

It's called MPharm. :)

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Egg Shells

Sigh dunia dah ber-facebook ni susah betul.

When was ever your silaturrahim with someone is determined by your friends list? Cuba cakap sikit.

I feel like I'm walking on egg shells. Kita nak share 'What's on your mind?' kat status tu pun kena pikir perasaan orang lain sebab kita tau obviously dia akan terasa (sebab dia suka makan cili. Orang makan cili dia la terasa, betul tak?).

And so mula lah conflict diri:
"Eh tulis je lah. Tulis macam biasa je status tu, biar la kalau diorang terasa. Bukannya niat kita pun"


"Eh especially after what happened, it happened for a reason. Allah nak tunjuk kita a few strong points. Oleh itu kena la pikir before tulis status tu. Better not hurt people with your selfish needs. Lagi2 kononnya nak terasa tu diorang lagi tua, haruslah hormati orang tua"

So in the end siapa yang pening? Sila vote.

Saya belia! Hehehe. Katakan TAK NAK ya. #wtf

Yang penting, you can't choose who you want to get attention from. Perlukan kasih sayang tapi selective pulak. Pastu tak dapat, buat tantrum stupid. Beggars can't be choosers. #lagiwtf

"Kalau dah satu group pikir macam tu, memang diorang pergi mana2 pun jalan bawah tempurung diorang jugak". Betul tu, tak keluar2. Bak kata Mr Rama, pikiran tu dah tertutup! (with hand motion)

Yang penting (also), blood is thicker than water. Everyone knows that. Literally speaking and also in terms of family bond. Generally speaking la kan, who wouldn't do anything once they see parents/siblings being hurt, especially when shedding tears. Bukannya hari2 tengok air mata mereka, tapi when it happens, of course as a family member we can't help but feel helpless and tersebak.

Even if diorang tak terasa pun, but because we love them SOOOOOO much, kita pulak yang terasa lebih. I remember some random guy showed his middle finger to my dad. I was like WTF WEYH APA MASALAH KAU TAK RETI RESPECT ORANG TUA KE WEYH. My dad being him, jalan relax je buat tak tau. Ni stranger ni. Kalau kawan buat, memang dah putus kawan dah kita. Tak kisah la middle finger ke apa ke. Yang penting (lagi?) dia dah cross the mother fucking line.

Speaking of blood,

Dah la. I honestly have a lot more to vent out. But feel that its inappropriate. Ni pun dah over dah ni. Its better to keep most of my words than attend to my selfish needs because honestly saya lebih suka hormati orang tua. Like I said, like walking on egg shells.

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Bila kita niat baik, orang tipu belakang, tepek muka kita, pijak kepala kita.
Don't know who to trust dah in my quiet world.

I know I said I didn't sign up for this, but I was prepared as a supporter. And actually without realising it I signed up for the ups and downs, good and bad. (it's not like I'm married or anything, but that's just me as a person). Buat apa nak niat buruk. Penat tau. Baik buat baik je, and all will be ok.

And yet. Look at me. What and where did I go wrong.


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I've gained weight! And reached my target of being a little over 50 kg! :D :D

And so my BMI increased from 18 (underweight) to 21 (ideal?)! Yeayers!

Let's celebrate before it goes back down!!!!!!!!!

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Honesty by Beyonce

If you search
For tenderness
It isn't hard to find
You can have the love
You need to live
But if you look
For truthfulness
You might just
As well be blind
It always seems to be
So hard to give

Is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Is hardly ever heard
And mostly
What I need from you

I can always
Find someone
To say
They sympathize
If I wear my heart
Out on my sleeve
But I don't want
Some pretty face
To tell me
Pretty lies
All I want

Is someone
To believe

I can find a lover
I can find a friend
I can have security
Until the bitter end
Anyone can comfort me
With promises again
I know, I know

When I'm deep
Inside of me
Don't be
Too concerned
I won't ask
For nothin'
While I'm gone
But when I want
Tell me where else
Can I turn
You're the one
That I depend upon

What did I do wrong to deserve such untruthfulness.

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I'm done with my final paper or final year, ever!!!!

Whoopieee dooo daaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!

Jom keluar ini malam. Tadi dah lepak2 ngan classmates. hoyeahhhhh.

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Ok so I'm sooooooo kuno. And so I've only just re-re-re-rediscovered my forgotten password for skype. EHEHEH. During Ayesha's birthday, A, Dania and I decided to SKYPE!!! Such a dumbo I am, semua benda tak reti. So here are the NICE pictures. They took soooooo many pictures of me in my bimbo mode.


When the sun was glaring (only on my side of the globe) we decided to have picnic!

Later that night when D was snoozing off, A was past her bedtime but decided to continue on.

Anywayyyy, Tuesday will be Day 1 of my final finals. DAMN! Did I tell you it'll be four of them on consecutive days?? Siiigh, I'll be dead by Friday. Yawwwww.

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I CANNOT believe I'm Youtube-ing videos on common exercises to flatten my tummy.

Yes. Flat tummy no more. I have love handles, omg. And bum is big (not new but it's back, girls!)

Healthy lifestyle, let's go!!

*finishing chocolates first*

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Went shopping at Livingston last week. And my God of all things, I got myself a 7 piece Tefal set. Sigh. Konon for my future. Muahaha. It was ON SALE! All that for 45pounds only. Also, ada steamer yang bertingkat2 tu for 20pounds only, and and and toaster yang toast 4 breads at a time tu for 15pounds. ALL TEFAL I TELL YOU. And also fast cooker, from 120 to 20 pounds only. Tapi nasib la perempuan ni tak reti nak masak sangat. Tak reti nak guna fast cooker. Hehehe only to find out later that it MIGHT be something like pressure cooker. Sigh. MENYESAL TAK BELI! Nanti my Mum datang for summer mungkin boleh cuba try test kan? Damn it. Damn damn damn baru sedar.

Anyway, grad ball is early June nanti. (Exam belum start pun dah pikir grad ball) Chis. So whilst in Livingston, dropped by Karen Millen yang tengah sale gila babi. I know the collection there is soooo much better than in the city centre. Found a few yang kononnya would suit me. But but but, bontot dah besar sangat!! Mister terpaksa tunggu lama for me to fit into one dress. Then gave another one yang should look ok tapi sebab banyak layerings kat bawah tu, so bontot nampak lebih besar. Damn. I should diet!!! Tengah nak exam ni, I'm always munching munching and munching.

Was cleaning my wardrobe just now and saw all the jeans that I haven't worn for a few months/years. Mana tak sayang tu boleh la potong and wear for spring/summer ni. So far the weather have been REALLY good, but I'm wearing my sunnies indoors. Hehe. Anyway, then found my all time fav Evisu skinny jeans yang dah kecut two years back. Didn't know it was there till tadi. All this time I thought I left it at home in Msia sebab obviously I can't fit into it anymore. So tadi gatal nak try jugak, in the end had cramps. T.T Who in this world have cramps while trying out jeans??!! Maybe ada but not anyone I know of. (OMG please tell me if you do so that I won't feel like I'm alone) Hehe. It was size 27" AND shrunken. So obviously la kan tak muat. I now wear 28" comfortably without the 'biar derita asal jelita' phrase repeating in my head by Kaklong's voice.

Back to studying. Tomorrow is my OSCE. OMG, 30 marks is on good communication and 20 on my clinical knowledge. Can I just smile and ask questions then? Hehehehe.

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I'm becoming a fatty bom bom! With the stress building up with my dissertation that's due this Friday, I'll be done for! I'm munching and typing at the same time. Malas nya nak buat ayat konon genius. (=.=)'

Can't wait to get this over and done with and we'll partay this weekend like never before. :)

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I can be myself again.

I've put away my mask.

And it feels good.


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Karaoke all day long under the duvet. It's like we're on holiday. :)

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I'm blogging through my phone today. Why? Because I'm unwell. Pretty much stuck in bed now.

My panadol dah finish. Everything I eat, it'll come back out. My sinus pain is getting unbearable. Along with my head. I need Sudafed. I'm too tired to walk out. Too tired to get myself water. My eyes are about to close again despite dah tido more than 12hrs.

I've been sleeping day n night. I shouldn't be, right? Or it'll get worse, wouldn't it? But memang x larat. Bangun pagi terus nangis, because I'm mengada when it comes to fever and blocked nose. Hehe.

Owh how I wish Mum is here. :'(

P/s: Japan just got hit by a 8.9 magnitude earthquake and tsunami just after. I pray for everyone's safety and may God protect us all. All other close countries might get high rises in tide. Stay safe.

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Now that most of my work is done, I need a getaway.

Let me have my room to breathe nowwww. :)

Credit: smokeybarz

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A Month

So yea, I've been a lazy blogger. T.T

Loads have been happening. What do you expect. More and more deadlines to catch up. Teera has left me alone :(. Weather is getting nicer. Sleep is getting less. But I still treat my weekends like how they're meant to. ;)

Cheers for end of March please! That's when my dissertation is due and after that we will partay and continue studying for finals!

Damn I haven't registered for graduation.

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Tonight, Teera and I will have our last cucuk-cucuk night getaway. I'm so sad that she'll be going back home, but happy at the same time. Now she's Dr Teera. Hehe.

During Corinthian night out, together berangan-ing to be the rich and famous that only visit Corinthian.

Halloween 2010!


Farewell and we will catch up next time in Malaysia! :)

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Final semester!! Like, ever!

Pray that I do well and that I will graduate on the 1st of July 2011. InsyaAllah. :)

Let's go! Bring it on!

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I'm blogging from my phone. Yet I'm always in front of my computer.

I received bad news today. Know how I told that I've really enjoyed last summer during intern and everyone that I've met and every place that I visited will always be cherished in my heart. Especially those I've met at work.

I'm currently lying in bed with the loud music from the club next door while in tears. My beloved n great tutor from my internship, Lindsay, have passed away on the first week of January.

I could not believe my eyes when I read the message and was wishing that Ellie made a typo. But sadly, its the truth.

Even for only two months, she has made a great impact in my life. She was a young n healthy lady, a professional pharmacist, a dedicated mother, a very good friend. However God is great n took her life as she suffered from stroke and later was in coma on Xmas.

I should've made that visit when I was down in London. I should've at least send a message for Xmas. Sad sad news this is, I feel as if I cannot accept it. But it must be nothing compared to the colleagues there and to her family.

RIP Lindsay.

From left: Lindsay, Me, Rowena and Jane. On my last day of work in Norton.

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