When will I Learn

"You look mature for your age. You think maturely." 

Those are the words I commonly get from lecturers and some of many bosses I work for at the hospital.

Being an intern makes you think more and more about yourself. You think you can gain experience and knowledge. NO, you believe so and of course you gain them. Nonetheless, at the same time you think how small you are, how shallow your knowledge is to the world of your future profession. 

When will I learn how to think professionally? When will I learn how to think seriously of my future? All this while I assume I've been thinking seriously. However, have I really? I feel like my way of thinking haven't changed since school, how I study, how I handle things. I feel as if my scope of knowledge hasn't widen. Will I ever grow up and cope with what I've targeted for for years?

It took me 2 years of my course to really really realise that this is it. This isn't college where you study and work hard only to be able to study elsewhere better. NO. This is a higher target. You study so that you can be what you want to be for a lifetime. Knowing and realising while acknowledging it is different. Very.

My words are simple; feeling so is even more complex and deeper.



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The start of Summer


I have started work for 8 days now and since then, never have I ever slept past 12. It's tiring, my legs are literally giving up. BUT that was only for the first 2-3 days or so. Now I'm starting to get used to it. I'm unpaid, working voluntarily. For the first week I spent my time working at OPD (Out Patient Dispensing) where you give your prescriptions, take your number, wait, take your medicine and leave. 

You know how you go crazy and cranky over waiting too long for the medicine? Is 20 minutes long? WAITING for 20 minutes is long. Filling in for one prescription under 10 minutes is hectic. Well at first it was because I don't really recognize what is where and who is to get and who is not to get etc. Now I'm getting the hang of it and starting to like it. Maybe because there's always work to be done which also means lots and lots of experience gained, plus the people working there are really friendly. They are friendly, helpful, funny, everything except the bad. 

However, as they say, when I'm starting to memorize the places and what not and getting used to this, I'll be moving on to another unit. Tomorrow on Friday I'll be starting my In Patient or Ward Dispensing, on patients who are warded in the hospital. I have no idea how it will be like or if the environment is good or the staff and seniors are nice. So let's just cross our fingers and hope everything went well.

Hence at half 6 I get up and get ready. Half 7 the earliest (not the latest since we aren't always punctual. No no, aren't punctual at all!) I'll make a move to HUKM. If the traffic is nice I'll arrive 5 past 8, which means I'll be 5 minutes late. Hahaha if I have a punch card I will NEVER be early for work. HAHAHAHAH omgggg. I'll try to go early tomorrow. Then I work and won't be able to sit down until 1 or 2 pm and have my lunch break for one hour. After that I'll continue till 5 or so and head back home. By the time I arrive home it'll be almost 6. Lepak or jogging, depends on the weather and my energy level (read as will power), take my shower, dinner, lepak again by eating durian etc, and by 11 plus I'll be damn sleepy that I can't even read a book to study (kononnya).

I can only make plans on weekends which only means they are very limited. Pre-booking is essential and a must. :) Saturday kononnya for family only but it's hard. Sunday kononnya nak jumpa member and me love tapi sebab ramai sangat permintaan, sangat pening kepala, hahahaha. No lah, it's my own permintaan. I wanna meet everyone in one day, mana boleh kan. Takpalah. We'll see how it goes. Facebook is now up and running.

By the way, got my results dah. It's on a satisfactory level, not excellent. A big big bummer but Alhamdulillah syukur kepada Allah, at least I passed my 2nd year and will be able to continue to 3rd year. 

I also received an email from the Uni. saying how I need like a statement from the police here. The reason is because I commited a murder. Haha no no. The reason is because I'm a UK resident for less than 5 years, so they need a statement proving I'm a Malaysian and that I go to UK to study bla bla bla. They need that because I'll be dealing with their beloved sick citizens at the hospital. 

Yes, I have a hospital pharmacy practical next year. Sigh, after having it here. It's ok, at least I have a little bit of experience. But of course the system will be a lot different compared to a more maju teknologi over here. *No sarcasm here, it's alllll serious.

So far this summer 'break', I've met most of my close friends, both from KYS and from Glasgow itself. Surprisingly, the only people I haven't met is family. I haven't met my cousins, most of my uncles and aunties, Tok Lang and Nek Lang, and everyone else. But I'll be meeting all of them soon during Hana's wedding. Seems like everyone of us from every part of the world will be coming back home for the wedding. If I were to be one of the wedded couples, I'd be so gladful. 

I'll be meeting those who are already married whom I don't even get to go to or even know how the spouses look like. I'll be meeting new born babies who are not even babies now. At least I know my own nephews. Azrina doesn't know I have a little 2nd nephew, padahal Ariz dah almost 3 years old. 

Also, I haven't been to the movies here yet. Nope. 

I haven't gone shopping yet (apart from going to the tailor). Nope. 

I haven't eaten satay yet. Nope. 

Most of my favourite earings are unpaired since most of their other halves are either lost while dancing or slipped behind the heavy study desk. Damn it. 

I have 3 kittens now namely Spencer, Emily and Daisy. All three are crazy crazy kittens. Now I don't think there would be cats named Belang, Batik or Comot since the kids' cartoons have names like James and what not. Nak panggil kucing Emily rasa macam panggil kawan je. So awkward and weird. 

Anyway, I'm craving for one gooooooooooood thing. 

Custard Pudding. 

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Happy Birthday, Rasyidin Ayub!



My dearest Rasyidin,



You have always been someone I look up to..
And you still are.


Your love and care is undeniably priceless, you know me better than my parents do..



We have been through sooooo much together; near and far..



On your special day, I pray everything goes well for now and the future.


May your life be governed by your own playlist


Happy 22nd Birthday, me love!


iloveyoualways


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Hiatus


ANNOUNCEMENT! 


I will be on hiatus for a few days. Weeks maybe? Still unsure.

This is for private and confidential matters. :) hehehehe


Anyway, I'm already back at home! And wearing a new haircut! Woot!

If you want my phone number, find ways to ask me other than Facebook-ing.
I don't think outside the box now. If it's inside the box, it matters. 
I'm talking CRAP!


Later dudes and dudettes.


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No more countdowns!


I have been MIA because:

1) I've been busy going here and there spending my last weeks with friends here that I might not be able to meet again. Went to Alton Towers (even though it was pouring like nobody's business! We were crazy to still want to queue up for rides under the winter-ish rain. What to do... Dah bayar)

2) Looking for stuffs here and there to bring back home. My account is officially kering, for the first time in 2 years. That's the event of the year, definitely. (Barang rumah, pakaian, barang badan. Haha)

3) At the end of the day, I become too tired to update this spider-webbed blog. Mianhe!

 
But here I am now! Tired of endless packing. Like seriously, barang semua still nampak banyak in this small room of mine even though I 'packed' them nicely in cases already. What's wrong, barang? 
AND I ONLY HAVE 2 DAYS LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Now.
Reasons why I don't feel like going back:

1) Too many things to kemas. Not that much things to pack actually (maybe). The flow of packing hasn't come yet. :D

2) Don't think I'll be able to stand the 7 hours-7 hours flight back to KL. If I were to do it like last time, I sleep and by the time I wake up I hear "We are arriving KL" or something like that. And *DING* seat-belts' lights switched on. Yes, I survived in the flight without any food, thank you ***rate*. It wasn't even the fasting month. Should I be optimistic and say "That would feel good! I'll arrive KL in no time!" OR on the other hand say "But I paid for my food, dang it!" Hmmmmmm..

3) I would be only looking forward to work and work and work. No fun this summer, Imi. This year I get to 'escape' the long day puasa. What about next year? Puasa and work. What a good experience, right? Good good. I'm liking it.


I don't quite feel the welcoming vibe of going back unlike last year. Why is that so? I think I know why but I wouldn't want that to be the reason. I regret not being able to 'look forward' to see everyone back home. But maybe that would change once I set my first step? Maybe? Sigh, I hope.

A lot of thinking have been done. And to finally realise my own weakness(es), I feel ashamed. While I smile and laugh I actually hang my head down low. I feel like a coward, an idiot. But what has been done, is done. I cannot turn back time. These are the things that give you the so called 'life experience'? Sigh, I wish.


Why can't you find me on Facebook any longer:
1) Upon realising my weaknesses, Faceb**k gave me a lot of that. I take advantage of my friends and relatives on FB. I don't need to ask "How have you been doing?" because I see them update their status every other hour. Which only shows they're fine. Even if they're not, I know they'll be fine later with another status update. 

2) I get upset even when I'm not supposed to. Your friends go here and there and you only get to know it through FB. THEN, you'll get pissed, upset, disappointed etc. and vice versa. Self-conflict over a small thing isn't really entertaining. And in the end, you'll not only hurt yourself, but others together with you. If you think I'm talking crap, that's fine. An opinion is just an opinion. :) Of course there's the good side of it, getting to get back in touch with long lost friends, and of course friends that you won't meet that much anymore. Obviously I realise that too. But my Class B weighing scale isn't stable.

3) I'll be back in FB sooner or later, so don't worry. ;)


Kesimpulannya, I do this because I love uollz! hahaha 

So if you're in Malaysia, I'll see you soon hopefully. Everyone please pray for me a good journey back home, and dijauhi dari jangkitan kebabian. AMIN.


p/s: I make mistakes, I realise them, what happens after that?

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